Stranger of the Week; Friends for Life
my life is just a series of bits — little jokes i have with myself, little fun activities to keep me going, little moments to add some flavor to the monotony. some of my favorite bits are: wishing everyone a “Happy Bagel Day!” any time I order a bagel; calling all my friends and acquaintances “My Demons” and addressing them as such; asking people on instagram to give me a topic and for 45 seconds, usually drunkenly, i express my opinion on said topic (i always have an opinion). lately, i incorporated a new bit called stranger of the week.
back in january, i wondered to myself: how do i make friends as an adult? i love my current friends deeply, but i wondered if i could expand my network and just casually meet new people who may be interesting or unique or just fun to talk to. so, i challenged myself to talk to one stranger each week. my goal was to talk to someone long enough to exchange names. i did not expect these strangers to instantly become friends with me, instead, i thought the point would be to get over my hesitations of talking to others i don’t know and maybe learn something new about the characters that are in the periphery of my life.
my strategy was to do this bit in places where there’s already a shared interest — these i find the easiest as there’s something to immediately talk about. most of the strangers i’ve talked to have been at the gym which makes sense because i am there near daily and there’s a constant flow of people in and out. i’ve since expanded my stranger zones to include bars and event spaces. i initiate all conversations. i start with a moment the two of us shared and from there i introduce myself. i found that it’s best to shake their hand, say your name, hear theirs, and repeat theirs back as you talk to them. people like being heard and known.
for the most part, these interactions have been quite pleasant but typically fleeting. they involve asking a bartender their name after sharing a moment of judgement over another patron. they involve chatting post-yoga in the locker room, asking each other why we signed up. they involve walking up to a table at a rooftop bar and asking for recommendations on where to go next and having conversations evolve into who we are, what we do for fun, and how we live in new york. they involve standing in the back of a touristy and gimmicky bar with a tourist helping others into a gimmicky photo booth to create their tangible memories of that night. they’re stories i can tell others. they’re shared experiences that make the world a smaller and less isolating place.
sometimes, the strangers aren’t so nice. and that’s okay. it’s always a risk. i have one stranger i’m still working on — he and i had been working out together within feet of each other a few days a week for months. i thought he’d be my easiest stranger as we practically were sweating on top of each other. however, sometimes people don’t like to be bothered at the gym mid-workout, i’ve learned. with grunts and resistance he took my comments to be malicious instead of inquisitive and kind as i intended. i opened with “you workout every day?” hoping to share that bond with him as we both see each other here so often. to which he replied “do YOU? i see YOU here every day!” at which i laughed and said yes. i did not talk to him anymore that day fearing he might become even angrier with me for even daring to acknowledge him further. with monday behind me, I saw him again on wednesday with fresh eyes hoping to have more success but could not talk to him as he was too far away. i waved at him and he meekly waved back. i was determined. when someone tells me no or resists me or tells me i can’t do something, i double-down. it’s one of my worst traits. i was so sure this man was going to punch me in the face but that did not stop me. on friday of that week, the stranger of the week started setting up next to me as there was nowhere else to workout. he looked at me. i looked at him. i opened my big fat mouth and said, “well, what are the odds!” and he turned to me, in, what i still believe to be, an unreasonable fury, and said, “you work out in the same spot all the time!” to which i, yet again not letting go, said “what can i say? I’m a consistent man!” i still don’t know his name all these weeks later. i saw him last friday for the first time in quite a while since i’ve moved my workouts to mornings and he looked at me, knowing i was probably going to say something, and i satisfied his hunch by asking, “long time no see! how have you been!” and he replied pleasantly.
my first stranger of the week has been my most impactful. i kinda lucked out that the person i interacted with was just as extroverted and funny as i can be. after talking about pilates and picking up on each other queer vibe coupled with our mediterranean immigrant upbringing, we became fast friends. since then, we’ve been inseparable at the gym. i wouldn’t have had my fitness party without his encouragement. he was the one who came up with the idea to celebrate me and my accomplishments in the first place even though i was super hesitant to do so. his undeterred optimism, energetic zest for life, and magnetism brings me a lot of joy i would not have had if i didn’t reach a hand out. i have learned in the process that friendships can happen this organically and that when we open ourselves to others magnificent things can occur.
one of my favorite things is blending my friend groups. i have always had an eclectic assortment of people in my life — mostly from living such an eclectic and journey-filled life. i love each of my friends deeply. i see in them all the goodness, the beauty, the care, the love, the drive, the softness, the sturdiness, their passions, their histories, their potential, their futures. i invite them all to spaces and i matchmake them. i introduce them to one another. i say something like: hey, i think you two would get along, he does this and you do that. i let them talk and further discover their shared interests and beliefs. i build the bridge between them and me, between all of us together. i think we forget sometimes the power of platonic love. we hyper-fixate on romantic love as if our romantic partner could ever fill all of our needs. same goes with family. our family members can love us and our romantic partners can love us but our friends can love us too and all these types of relationships are important for our growth both socially and emotionally. i know my friends love me. i feel it when i’m in the room with them. i feel it when they look back at me. i feel it most when they show up for me and express a level of kindness i struggle to give myself. their love is palpable and beating.
my life changes with every friendship i make. i become a newer, better person shaped by the love and joy we express to one another. my heart jumps out and blend with the hearts of those around me. these connections between us feel solid and durable and sturdy. i see the long path of life ahead and all their faces are there along the way. it’s hard to believe they were all once strangers to me.