Honorable Mention - read receipts
I’m a notorious double texter. Hell, I’m a triple, quadruple, quintuple texter. Texts from me are just an unfiltered stream of nonsense littered with grammar and spelling mistakes. Every conversation looks like an emergency. Like every modality, texting comes with its own set of standards, best practices, however else you want to define it. Well, I’m here to tell you most of them are arbitrary. They don’t matter. Double texting is good, actually. Conversations, in my opinion, flow more naturally as you let out your thoughts in fragmented chunks for the other person to digest and eventually respond to. If you have iMessage, reactions to texts mimic nonverbal responses as you can “haha” or “thumbs up” different segments of the conversation. If you’re truly feeling wild, you can also use text effects, which, when deployed correctly, elevate your conversations to high comedy. I used to be concerned about how I came across through text - I mean, I still am to an extent, but there are certain things I’ve let go. Text as much as you want, gays and girls. As an honorable mention, and I know this is controversial, I do love read receipts. I love putting them on and I love when others have them. It builds trust and transparency. I read it. I’ll respond to it eventually, but at least you know I’ve read it. And, as I famously told a man who was bothering me the other day, a read receipt is a response, honey.
Anyone who hates gossip probably has never heard good gossip before. Gossip is good, actually. Gossip bonds us as a culture. We love it. We seek it out. It gives us thrills during our most mundane moments. I once took a quiz that told me I’d be a great investigative reporter. In another life, I probably could be. I’m methodical. I’m curious. I’m creative when it comes to finding out information. For now, I’m using my powers for mostly my own personal benefit. Nothing fills me with more adrenaline than backtracking social media pages, preferably Instagram, to find out when a couple has broken up, or has ended an engagement, or has gotten divorced. I’m sure my love of gossip comes from some innate love of storytelling, but I’m not going to psychoanalyze that. I’ll leave that up to my therapist.
Watching TV shows years after they’ve finished airing and live tweeting my reactions
If you follow me on Twitter, you would know that I’m currently watching Grey’s Anatomy. In the fall, I worked my way through True Blood which is a remarkable show, both in its absurdity and its incredibly hot cast. Grey’s also has an incredibly hot cast and its own levels of absurdity. There’s an arc where a bomb goes off in the hospital. Shonda might have just thrown darts at a board to come up with storylines. *Aims dart* Meredith. Ferry Boat. Drowning? Anyways, at age 26, I have been live-tweeting my thoughts on episodes that aired when I was 14 years old. I could thread them. I could create a special hashtag to collect my tweets. But, I don’t. And you know what, that’s good, actually. I love tweeting about shows. I have thoughts and they need to be thrown out into the void. People respond, which, I mean, they don’t have to, but they do. It’s lovely. I’m sure it’s annoying to read if you’re not watching the show. But, maybe you should watch those shows. Have you thought about that?
Early morning movies
Honorable Mention - going to the movies alone
While watching Black Panther at 11 am with my dear friend Cait, I ordered a coffee. It tasted exactly as you’re imagining it. Worse even. You’re probably wondering who orders coffee at a movie theater. Well, the answer is me. Surprise. I love seeing movies in the early morning. Seeing an early morning movie is good, actually. There’s hardly ever anyone there. You knock it off your to-do list. You walk out of the theater and it’s still daylight out, noon, even, and you’re just ready to conquer the rest of your day. I saw a lot of movies this summer mostly because I was poor. I had a year subscription to MoviePass before it changed its rules more times than a RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars season. As an honorable mention, I’d like to say that going to movies alone, is also good, actually. You’re sitting in a dark room, silently, for two hours. Why do you need someone else there with you? Tweet your thoughts out after you see the movie. It’s cathartic and lets others know that you’ve seen the movie. You also don’t need to stress about coordinating schedules when you go alone. Go whenever you want. Mornings are great, I hear.
Starting books but not finishing them when they suck
I start books and then I stop them if they suck. The more books you read, the better you are at doing this. Some might say it’s an art form. You can probably tell from page one how you’re going to like a book. I usually don’t give up around page one. I pull through. Sometimes authors have rocky starts. Maybe the plot is slow. Get to page 100. Decide for yourself if it’s worth it. You don’t have to read books if you don’t like them. Put them down. Starting books but not finishing them when they suck is good, actually. Frees you up to read other, better authors. Colson Whitehead is going to keep writing books, for whatever reason, but spare yourself the time and energy and just put it down. The Goldfinch is bad and takes forever to read. Put it down. Same goes for Infinite Jest. Nobody has ever finished Infinite Jest. It’s infinite.
Pineapple on pizza
Sweet and tart pineapple. Salty cheese. Tangy sauce. And that ham? It’s delicious. I’m taking no responses on this. It’s good, actually.
Letters of Recommendation:
Old Town Road (Remix) - Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus
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