summer of authenticity

nothing more nothing less

prosperity happens in the summer. the sun radiates energy and we absorb it becoming empowered and emboldened. our sun-kissed skin burns in darkly lit bars, the whispers of slightly pungent sweat permeate every room, and the late night breeze cools us and refreshes us momentarily as we release sighs of relief. we are happy. we are carefree. we travel the world, circumambulate the streets, finding and chasing reflections of ourselves in the new faces we meet and the familiar ones we reconnect with. every summer feels markedly different. the last few summers to me have felt like i’ve been getting closer and closer to the person i’m meant to be — steadily shedding my skin and vibrating at higher and higher frequencies.

two summers prior was the best summer of our lives (the summer before college) whose theme imbued each day with a sense of freedom and infinite potential. we were meant to try new things, explore and expand, and savor the transitional moments in life. last year was the sluttiest summer of our lives (so far) a summer where emotions ran wild and our hearts connected to one another blending the ties between us. this summer is the summer of authenticity (nothing more nothing less). we are tasked with being true to ourselves and moving throughout the world with sheer earnestness. no longer will we care what others think of us and no longer will we morph ourselves to appease others who can’t see us fully. we are our realest form of self.

my friend Elena recently recommended a book to me that helped developed the theme for the summer. how to be an adult in relationships by david richo explores the ways in which we show up in relationships and how being present and mindful are the keys to real love between people. his core tenets include what he calls the five A’s: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. most of these are pretty self-explanatory. we must give attention to those who matter in our lives, we must show our appreciation for them, we must give them affection, and we must accept and allow them to be who they are without sacrificing ourselves in the process.

i’ve recommended this book to others to read and i think it falls on deaf ears as soon as the term relationship is thrown around. while true that these tenets are essential to happy, mature, and healthy romantic relationships, i think our deepest relationship is always going to be with ourselves. we must also be attentive to ourselves, appreciate ourselves fully, accept and allow all the parts of ourselves, etc and etc. in my younger years, when i struggled with self-worth and self-confidence i would have really gravitated towards a book like this to help me feel less shame about who i am as a person and more mindfulness of all that i have inside of me. i must recognize and honor all parts of myself despite how good or bad they may be. they make me who i am.

i’ve been thinking a lot about fear and hinderance. how much of myself am i holding back? am i as brave as others say i am? am i truly showing up to every situation authentically myself or am i hoping for acceptance from some unnameable person that my trickster mind has fictitiously conjured? it’s hard to say. the spaces where i feel this the most are queer spaces, especially ones filled with other gay men. i am gay to my core but at times there can be this homogeneity within the community that i struggle with, especially in brooklyn, to present a certain way or act a certain way to be gay enough to belong. many of these feelings could be self-imposed, that the judgement i feel others put on me is just the judgement within myself or the judgement those other men feel internally about themselves. it can be quite lonely and isolating to feel as though you never truly fit in despite how hard you may want the acceptance of your peers.

but, that’s okay. we aren’t meant to be liked by everyone. not really. that’s not to say you should be rude, disrespectful, or offensive to others. just that, not everyone is going to like you. they can’t. people are subjective. they approach you with their own curated likes and dislikes. they radiate at different frequencies. they attract different people. not being liked by others doesn’t mean you’re an awful person (most of the time). it’s just that these people are not meant to be in your life. they leave. or they never come in. they make room for those who should be there, the ones who accept all the different nuances within you and allow you to always be yourself. the gay men in my life whom i love dearly see me fully. we have similar backgrounds and feelings. we have mutual interests. we vibe at different frequencies than others but between ourselves we harmonize. my good judys feel so close to my heart that even if there are a few of them, i’d rather their acceptance than a room full of people who only accept a curated and artificial version of me.

that’s what this summer is going to be about. we must always be ourselves. in all situations. we are unique and beautiful and our authenticity is our power. we must no longer let fear drive us or shrink ourselves. we can grow and transform — and we should — but we must always stay true to who we are underneath. i will no longer worry about who likes me or not. i will not conform myself to other’s opinions of me. i will not sacrifice myself or my boundaries for another. i will just be me. i will dance underneath the sun. i will move my body in awkward or stiff ways. i will sway without internal judgment or shame. i will bask in all that i am. when i radiate, others will come to me. they will see me for all that i am. i hope they come to you, too. we must try to vibrate at higher frequencies trusting the divine to intervene and bring into our lives the ones who are true, too. accept nothing less than you deserve. be free.