I love New York. I moved here January 4th, 2020 right before the world irreparably changed. Before I changed. A version of myself moved here then. For me now, this has all felt like a lifetime — a transition so natural I question whether or not I’ve been here this whole time. Today marks three years in New York but also, for the first time in my life since leaving my hometown, the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere.
I spent much of my 20s escaping and calling it discovering myself. I moved from country to country, city to city, back home a few times in between things. I was restless and eager. In Japan, I devoured the food and the new experiences. I opened myself up to love for the first time and built friendships that have lasted a decade. I traveled on my own. I learned resilience and felt exuberance in a time that, looking back on it now, could only be described as surreal and that word doesn’t even feel adequate enough or have enough depth to fully articulate what living there at age 21 was like. Philadelphia taught me hard truths about myself but also let me experience pure joy and laughter with other queer men in mirrored dance floors and crowded bars leaking out into the streets until the early morning. Every week, I relentlessly circumambulated the city, left right up and down, hoping in one of the alleyways or building-front reflections to find a vision of myself having a future there. But as my loved one moved on and my career prospects stagnated, that vision never materialized. With no other option, I listened to my intuition, took a leap of faith, and left.
As I untangle these thoughts, I wonder if those experiences changed and transformed me to bring me closer to who I am now or if the journey didn’t matter at all and I’ve just always been who I am just never in the right space to grow. New York is now my home — both the ongoing journey and the final destination — where I have become and revealed more of myself than ever before. The past three years were marked by challenges that bore so heavily on my soul and waves of optimism and joy that lifted and supported me. The memories I have, even the bad ones that haunt me, are brightened ever so slightly by the kindness, gentleness, and love people have shared with me.
In honor of these three years, and in no specific order, I decided to share with all of you some of the moments that are central to me:
After three months of living in a sublet, Erin, whom I never met before and only chatted briefly with over text, drove herself and Maya to my sublet and helped me move out — even coming prepared with boxes and rope to tie my mattress to the roof of her car — while I yelled “It’s fine, D***” at my former roommate who ran around the apartment trying to quickly make amends for his sleaziness.
Parked briefly on the side of a Stop & Shop as Mary and Brian went in to buy drinks, I sat back in Zia’s car while Maya rode shotgun with the air conditioning blasting on my face after a long day at Rockaway Beach and commented, maybe to no one in particular, that this summer was going to be “the best summer of our lives, the summer before college” which became the rallying cry for summer 2022 and a mantra I used to justify all my bad decisions and late nights.
On my 30th birthday, a group of my closest friends in New York came together to celebrate with me at Insa (Korean BBQ) and we spent the rest of the evening singing our hearts away at karaoke. I brought it all home with Cher’s Believe, obviously.
An hour before I planned on meeting with my boss to resign from my role at my first company/job in New York, she texted me to let me know she was fired which led me to quickly meet with an HR woman (think Rosamund Pike but with more volume in her hair) to let her know I was uhhh……going to announce my resignation today.
The weekend before the pandemic started and before I left for CT to be with my parents, Maya, Alex, and I went to Sunset Park to eat dim sum which would be the last social event I’d have for months.
In a twist of fate, my Philly friend Stanton, our beloved friend Joe, and my friend Darien were all in Brooklyn at the same time, so we got to dance together in the Gold Room at Good Judy.
One month after moving into my new apartment in Crown Heights, a tenant created a Discord to build community and another who was a sommelier hosted a wine tasting in the courtyard where I happened to meet my now friend Yara.
When RBG died, I was at a bar with Maya and a former friend and while everyone weirdly publicly mourned I could not stop doing bits. My therapist at the time asked if I wanted to hold space to talk about my feelings over her death and I looked at him blankly and asked: why would I ever do that?
Last summer, Mike invited me to a house party in Brooklyn where I met his friend group for the first time and got so drunk I would not stop telling his friends and strangers at the party that my ideal man is an Italian-American Scorpio. Note: this is still true.
My apartment flooded hours after I re-signed my lease for another year. Other tenants from the floors above and below came together with buckets and mops to clean up all the water in the hallways into the late hours.
When bridal shopping in Soho with Erin and Maya, I walked over to a wall of accessories and asked the woman helping Erin with her dress: “Is this the accessories wall?” to which I was met with a deafening silence and an “obviously” that hit like thunder.
Quarantine Thanksgiving 2020 I baked a version of Greek potatoes that my mom had taught me how to make over multiple FaceTime calls. Maya and Chase could not stop talking about the depth of flavor. I ate those potatoes over the next few days. I made too many.
Got extremely drunk with Johanna at Chilo’s the day we learned Trump had COVID while Alessandra blew up our phones texting us both about Koko the Gorilla, for some reason.
Went on a date to the MET with a nice man from Tinder and walked around Central Park like we were on some 2000s rom com. I ghosted him after.
Celebrated Fred’s birthday by walking to one of the small grocery/snack stores around Ft Greene Park picking up food and ate/lounged on a sea of blankets with friends pretending like the weather was warmer than it was in early April.
Johanna joined me at my company’s 10-year anniversary boat event and we won four tickets to Six Flags. The crew, after the raffle, came up to me and said I looked so sure I was going to win those tickets and kept asking how I knew. Johanna and I never redeemed those tickets nor did we go to Six Flags that summer.
Ran into people from every part of my life reminding me that New York is the smallest big city in the world and that all my friends are interconnected.
Got shushed outside of Finn’s Corner by some man trying to hear Joe Biden’s speech on the day of his election victory. We promptly all left.
Was in charge of “Fun Committee” at my last job and planned, with no extra compensation, summer trips around the city including a Met’s game despite knowing nothing about sports.
Went on 50 speed dates in one night and watched every man’s eyes light up as I mentioned I live in Ft. Greene and work in tech despite never having enough of my own money to fund the luxurious lifestyle I’m destined for let alone someone else’s.
Stood in an extremely humid C train after my first strength training session with Chris feeling as though I was about to puke everywhere, sticking my head outside as often as possible for fresh-as-a-subway-platform-can-be air as we careened closer to Franklin Avenue.
Celebrated my brother’s birthday with him and all his friends at Twin’s Lounge in Greenpoint during which he could not stop telling me how happy he was that I was there.
The day a sales leader at work called my boss to tell her I was a gossip. Homophobic but not untrue.
Saw Charli XCX at the Hammerstein Ballroom and created a wall of bodies with the gays next to me to prevent Gen Z dressed as bootleg straight-to-DVD Matrix characters from cutting in front of us.
Got COVID at Charli XCX and referred to it as COVID XCX.
Took luxurious Uber rides back from Lincoln Square AMC once in a while that cut through Central Park at night and across various bridges pretending like I was the main character in my own movie.
Leaned against the wall in the dark backroom of C’mon Everybody, I fiddled with the new set of pencils I nervously bought before my first live model drawing session and downed the second vodka soda I had to drink to hit the card minimum.
Watched daylight spread across the train car as the Q pulled out of Brooklyn and onto the bridge as people, both newish to New York and born and raised, looked over at the city resting on the waters with skyscrapers glistening in the sun all struck with the same sense of awe and wonder.
Celebrated my dad’s birthday in my brother’s apartment in Williamsburg with my parents and Samantha’s family.
Repeatedly told Chris to listen to Renaissance to which he and another worker ended up playing the entire album through the speakers in the gym. I don’t think they’re allowed to do that anymore.
Shouted “great beach day” at Rockaway Beach over the sounds of the crashing water, distant speakers playing music, and the Nutcracker sellers hawking their fares and was reciprocated with a round of “great beach day” like a Pavlovian call and response.
Called “the Mayor of 3DB” by a man I met that night through Yara after running into Joe and another friend at a lame Y2Gay event filled with young people who did not know how to dance and music that was not from the early 2000s.
Navigated NJ Transit with Tawny to see Lady Gaga at MetLife and back with helpless and lost gays before transferring to the L and spending the rest of our night and early morning dancing at a Lady Gaga afterparty with the one and only Jantasy herself.
Denavious and I walked into Industry Bar to the sounds of Hikaru Utada only to discover that there was a queer comic convention in the area and everyone was dressed as cosplayers. Denavious mingled while I danced alone on an empty dance floor with passerbys saying how much fun it looked like I was having. We ended up at Friction Fridays at Hush and I kept wondering why people were so aggressively rubbing against me. Denavious broke out into Japanese on the streets at 2 am.
Walked Brooklyn Bridge Park around sunset, staring at the Manhattan skyline as boats crossed against the water and Lady Liberty stood in the distant horizon. I wondered how anyone could ever look at this city and not be inspired and filled with potential, opportunity, and hope.
Thank you all for reading. I am extremely proud of the life I have built here, friendships I have made, and the endless stream of warm memories that flow through my heart. I would not have this life any other way. Here’s to many more years in New York filled with laughter, happiness, love, support, and community.